Friday, December 10, 2010

Life happens and sometimes it really sucks

Things have been crazy busy, and I swear I have written this post in my head several times.  I lost a follower today, guess that means I better get on my game.  Two is way more depressing than three.  Thanks to the two of you who are sticking with me. 

I'm not even sure where to begin.  I'm sure it will seem long and drawn out, but maybe if I get it all out, I can find some peace.  I could bullet what's been up, but I think I would leave things out.  I'm just gonna write and then see where it goes. 

Band wise:  In one of my early posts I mentioned that I have had some medical stuff going on, well it came up in August and I had to take some meds that would not fit through my band, my doctor took out 2cc's so I could get my meds down and then the plan was to tighten me back up.  Wow, who knew that 2 cc's would make such a difference.  I was hungry, I mean those little hippos on that game but I was the only player so I got all the marbles.  I was able to eat things that I had not eaten in a year and while I tried really hard to stay in check, it was cool to get to eat things I hadn't had in so long.  At the beginning of November, we (my doc and I) finally got the last of the 2 cc's back in and while I've been able to lose most of what I gained in Aug/Sept, it has been really slow and I'm getting frustrated.  I saw my doc on Wednesday and I opted for no fill.  I maybe could have had a smidgen, but......I think I need to get back to making the right choices and not letting my band do all the work.  I did a lot of that leading up to my wedding and it worked but I don't want to eat the same things every day and always be so tight all I can have is soup and protein shakes, because to me, that isn't realistic.  I explained all of this to my doc, I still can't eat breakfast (I usually have a coffee or a shake) and he seemed to agree that no fill was the way to go for now.  I told him that I had been struggling and the scale is not moving and I'm frustrated.  He suggested going back to the handbook they gave out in the beginning and reading it again, a little at a time and try to put some of those practices back in my daily routine.  I'm also back to using phentermine, which helps me with my desire for snacking and the last couple of days it has really helped.  I also need to get back to working out.  I made it to the gym once this week and it was a good workout and I'm anxious to get back, but that is hard to find motivation for too.  They are opening an branch of our gym closer to us so I am really hoping that is going to help.  I might even post a little something on Facebook, looking for a workout buddy, there is gotta be someone of my friends who want to get moving too.

Work:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....this is funny.  I'm a substitute teacher and this year has been kind of slow, although my aunt has been my saviour.  She coordinates the subs for the school that she works at and it just so happens it's the school that I really wish I could teach in permanently.  So I love being there, the staff are AMAZING and treat me awesome.  I never feel like a sub, always a member of the staff and the kids...where do I begin.  I am meant to be a teacher and I'm not saying that in a "I'm so awesome I need a teacher of the year award" way, I just mean, I know I am meant to be working with kids.  They crack me up, frustrate me and push my limits, but all in the best possible ways.  Needless to say, the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks (all of like three weeks) is very very slow.  So that might be adding to my disarray, not much of a routine.  I'm hoping all of that picks up after the first of the year. *fingers crossed*

Everything in between:  that encompasses alot, I wish I had witty and clever ways of talking about it all, maybe to make the bad stuff not sound so bad, but some of it is and it's been tough.  I'll start with the crap, just to get it out and then finish with good.....

We (my husband and I) have sadly suffered a few losses this last week.  I was in Seattle last weekend (that's part of the good later to come) and I was shopping with my cousin and received a phone call from the hubs.  He had called and left a message, which isn't like him and then had called right back, I knew something was up.  He is from Georgia, his whole family is there, his grandmother, who we call MimMim lives on her own, but the last few years has had a close family friend helping to take care of her.  She has macular degeneration and she has little to no eyesight.  It has been such a blessing for this friend to be taking care of her.  Well Friday evening, he had a sudden heart attack and passed away.  MimMim was the only one with him, she found him, devastating.  Thankfully, Ash's parents were close to where she lives and were able to go be with her and get things going and be there to help her through it.  It's so hard to be far away when things like that happen, and it all happened so fast that we weren't able to be there for the service or anything.  To finish off the week, we discovered today that my sister's dog was killed in a very tragic way earlier this week.  It is a loss that is felt deeply.  We are animal lovers, as is my sister and her and Papa had a bond unlike any I have ever witnessed between human and dog.  They loved one another with all they had and he was truly loved by all of us and will be deeply missed. 

RIP Papa boy, may there be many an endless supply of tennis balls to be destroyed. 
"Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives."

I just looked at the clock, it's late and I have a busy day tomorrow.......I hate to leave on such a sad note, more to come before the weekend is through and I will have good to share.....maybe even some pics. 

Thanks to those of you who read, hope I haven't put too much of a damper on things, but I guess this should be a place I can just put it all out there.

Nightie Night!!!

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